


Burn

by Genie60



Series: Poldark Series 5-One Last Time [5]
Category: Poldark (TV 2015), Poldark - All Media Types
Genre: Betrayal, F/M, Hamilton References, Love, Marriage, S5 Ep8, What was Demelza thinking, burn - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:42:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25074073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Genie60/pseuds/Genie60
Summary: What might Demelza have been thinking as she sat in Killewarren after leaving Ross?
Relationships: Demelza Carne/Ross Poldark
Series: Poldark Series 5-One Last Time [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1395661
Comments: 8
Kudos: 49





	Burn

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing but the idea. Credit to Debbie Horsfield and Lin-Manual Miranda for the matches that lit this fire.

_You and your words flooded my senses  
Your sentences left me defenseless  
You built me palaces out of paragraphs  
You built cathedrals_

_I'm re-reading the letters you wrote to me  
I'm searching and scanning for answers in every line  
For some kind of sign  
And when you were mine  
The world seemed to burn_

_You forfeit all rights to my heart  
You forfeit the place in our bed  
You'll sleep in your office instead  
With only the memories of when you were mine_

_I hope that you burn_

Her fingers traced the ribbon that held the packet of parchment lying in her lap. She had left Nampara a few short hours ago, determined to leave Ross after his latest betrayal. Now, as she sat in the parlor at Killewarren remembering all that had passed between them, she wondered if the words in these letters were ever true. She was sure that once they drove away the shadows of Elizabeth and Hugh that they now had a clear path to their own future. The love she thought they had shared over the last two years felt deeper than at any other time of their marriage. Even with distance between them because of Ross’s duties as an MP, their hearts had truly become one. Until now. Now she questioned if his heart, that held a piece of another for so long, again found space for someone else. This time not a woman of his class but someone like herself, albeit younger. Someone he could rescue which fed his need to save the world.

She doubted herself, believing that some failing on her part led him to this change of heart. Tears slid down her cheeks as she stared into the hearth and she wondered if Ross was feeling any of the pain she was. Did he miss her and their children? Had he realized the anguish he was imparting on their family again. She stood up suddenly needing a drink to settle her nerves. The letters fell to the floor and she did nothing to pick them up as she walked to a side table. There she found a decanter of port but opted for the brandy. What she was contemplating needed something more fortifying. Her hands shook as she removed the stopper to pour a small draught of the liquid trying not to make too much noise as she didn’t want to wake the household. She held the delicate crystal, feeling the etchings against her hand; the sharp edges and smooth curves reminiscent of the planes of his body as she caressed him when they made love. 

Her mind ran through those times as she returned to sit by the fire. She crouched down to pick up the letters, again contemplating just tossing them into the flames and watching them burn. Instead she held them in her hand as she sipped the brandy letting the liquid scald her throat as it worked its way through her. Looking down at the packet she thought of other letters she had received and how easy it was to destroy them. The irony was not lost on her that the sender of those missives never bruised her heart the way the person she had given her heart and soul to have done over and over again. Yet she didn’t think twice about it when it seemed those words could wreak havoc on her relationship. 

Now she hesitated at doing the same thing with pieces of parchment where the words were also burned into her heart but still left scars in their wake. She knew that the sentiments conveyed were the truth and that Ross was not one to wax poetic when it came to matters of the heart or love. Unlike those she received from the young man where the words were flowery and romantic and yet, didn’t have the weight of what love truly was. Love was not gifts of sketches or plants or poetry. Those were fleeting and easily disposed of. Love, if she were honest with herself, was exactly what they were going through now; what they had gone through before. And like the fire in front of her it could blaze and ebb depending on how it was fed. Given the right elements it could last any varying degrees for an infinite amount of time. But neglected would slowly die and be reduced to ash. 

She finished her drink, placed the glass on the table next to her then lifted the packet to look at it more closely. The familiar handwriting was almost a comfort as the curls seemed to rewind themselves around her heart. She had committed to memory what each letter said by the dates they were received. For a moment she tried to remember those of her long ago admirer and found she could not. Like the fire, it was allowed to die in the natural course of things and as she sat now, she realized she didn’t miss its warmth. She knew however that if she let the current fire in her heart burn out, there would be no reigniting it. But this new sting that seemed not to ease was forcing her to face an alternate and possibly inevitable decision. 

A single tear rolled down her cheek as the thought of never seeing or speaking to him again was almost too much to bear. More painful even than living with the consequences of this situation; a situation she didn’t even fully understand. If she was honest, that was due to her choice to leave without further discussion. At the time she felt there was no need to talk anymore. He was not going to tell her a truth she thought she already knew. He let her go, easily so it seemed, which also told more than she expected. He seemed to want her to go, almost trying to get her out of the way. Perhaps to make room for her replacement to take up residence in her home. She shook her head at that thought as the anger returned. She could not believe that fifteen years of marriage had come down to this. She could not make herself believe it and yet here she was, cast aside again but this time it appeared there was no turning back. Suddenly and without warning her mind made the decision for her even if her heart fought for its say in the matter. 

Just as she did long ago, she resolved to not let his actions dictate her life. Except now it did not seem as easy to up and leave. There was so much more invested in their lives this time but if he didn’t seem to care. And if he didn’t why should she? She stood again, making sure to pick up the glass to return it to the table but not before wiping it out with handkerchief she had stuffed in her sleeve. She didn’t want to leave a dirty glass for the servants to find in the morning. Retrieving the handkerchief, she clutched it in her fist and was about to leave the room when she remembered the letters. She turned and walked slowly back to the hearth. Her hands reached down and grabbed the packet as her gaze turned towards the fire that was now starting to wane. There was still enough heat in the embers to rid her of these parchments and with them the past but she couldn’t make her hands do that simple act. Instead she held them close to her heart, letting them and him brand her once more. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. There was no escaping him or his love; the best she could do was distance herself from the pain in hopes that with time it would dissipate into a dull ache she could learn to ignore. She walked slowly out of the room, leaving the fire to die and letting her love still burn.

**Author's Note:**

> This came totally by surprise last night after watching "Hamilton". It practically wrote itself so I apologize for any errors or issues it may have. Wrote it before I forgot it.


End file.
